I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
