Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think people are normalizing furries
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
