Moan for me like Helen Keller
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
