it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
