so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
