so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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