Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
