Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
