We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Houston, we have a blender
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
