It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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