so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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