I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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