its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Mom said you looked used
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
