Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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