I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
