I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
