she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
