I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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