Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
