3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
