I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
