if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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