Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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