You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
