he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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