i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
