Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize