You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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