I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
