I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My liver just had a heart attack.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
