What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
