Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
