They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
