every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
