There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
