We're like a lot better than the average bears
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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