Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
