You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
