Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
