My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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