I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
