i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
