is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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