Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
