What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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