make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
worst night to have a conscience
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
