i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
