i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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