I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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