1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm jealous of your bromance
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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