The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
