have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
