I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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