College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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