Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
