There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
