in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
