I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
