Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
