im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
