So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
