those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
