everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
