I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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