3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
