why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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