I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
