I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
