ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
