I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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