Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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